Is this the real life?

We’re currently cruising at 35,000 feet and leaving behind glorious sunshine and blue skies as we head back to New Haven where the temperature is just below freezing.  Yay.  It has been rather splendid to get away from the hard slog for a few days though and to spend some time in America’s plastic heartland.

We visited Disney World on Thursday and took in two of the four theme parks: Magic Kingdom and Disney Hollywood Studios.  As a highly sophisticated and well cultured traveller I have of course been to Disney previously (three or four times in California and once in Florida).

One of my great disappointments in life was that I never got to go on Space Mountain (a high speed, twisty-turny, up and downy ride in the dark).  The first few times I went to The Magic Kingdom as a child my parents informed me that the ride was closed.  As I waited in the queue this time, it occurred to me that it was quite a coincidence that it had been closed every time we visited.  I suspect I may have been lied to and that Ma and Pa were just too scared to go on it.  To be fair, I suspect the old dears probably wouldn’t have had the heart for it.

Hmm.  Just realised that I am now older than my parents were the first couple of times we visited Disney.  Bugger it.  That means I’m now an old dear!

This was Mrs G’s first trip to Disney so Space Mountain seemed a fitting first ride to introduce her to the park’s delights.  She screamed like a girl from the moment we sat down and our space buggy took us zooming through the universe.  As she is a girl and found the ride scary I suppose that’s fair enough.

After that we wandered through the various lands and went on several somewhat less buttock-clenching rides: Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin; Pirates of the Caribbean; Big Thunder Mountain Railroad; Country Bear Jamboree (after which we stop at Pecos Bill Café for bacon double cheese-burgers); The Haunted Mansion and finished with a sedate trip on It’s A Small World.  We then hopped on the monorail, took a bus to Disney Hollywood Studios and met Rebekah (who had been wandering around The Animal Kingdom molesting Mickey Mouse).

Disney Hollywood Studios (which I’m sure was MGM Studios when I last visited 17 years ago) was superb.  We started with Star Tours – the ultimate Star Wars thrill ride and then moved onto Lights, Motors, Action!™ Stunt Show.  The driving skill on display was breathtakingly good.  Fast vehicles, shooting and big explosions helped to ease the pain of having been away from my beloved Xbox 360 for so long.

Next stop: The Hollywood Tower Hotel.  This ride is like taking part in an episode of The Twilight Zone set in a 1917 hotel.  It starts out quite creepy in a cheesy sort of a way and then builds to the most terrifying ride I have ever been on.  Seriously.  Mrs G was clinging onto me, Rebekah was holding hands with Mrs G, everyone was screaming and laughing hysterically as the elevator we were in plummeted and soared at sickening speeds.  Pant-wettingly scary as Rebekah described it.  It was brilliant!

Following this we visited the Indiana Jones Stunt show which was not as exciting as the first stunt show.  However, hearing the Indy Theme tune blaring while watching a live Indy dodge spikes, outrun rolling boulders, fight generic middle-eastern turbaned baddies of indeterminate origin and get manly with a large bald moustachioed Nazi was rather splendid none-the-less.  It was something of a shame to me that the Nazi was shot rather than having his head mutilated by the propellers of the plane that was spinning around on the set but I suppose you can’t have everything.

After this we headed to Mickey’s fantasy light show thing, or Fantasmic! to use its official title.  This was a show loosely based on Fantasia (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) featuring various Disney characters.  Live action mixed with animation (cleverly projected onto screens made of water), music and pyrotechnics combined to make a captivating sensory experience.

Rebekah and I then dragged a protesting Mrs G back to the Hollywood Tower Hotel for another thrill before heading back to the villa.  Having experienced it once we convinced her it wouldn’t be as frightening the second time around.  How wrong we were!  Rebekah and Mrs G made more noise than the small children whose parents had decided it would be a good idea to bring them along.  That may have been because some of the children had gone into a shock induced coma and were unable to breathe.

Back at the ranch we finished the evening in a similar manner to the previous night: a moderate amount of drink to soothe our shaken nerves and the American TV version of Life on Mars.

Friday we spent a lazy day lounging around the pool and napping.  We went for a Thai meal in the evening to a place called Thai Thani where I had the most wonderful Duck Curry.

After a lazy start to Saturday Mrs G and I headed off to the Universal theme parks (Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure) leaving Rebekah behind to do some “work”.

We weren’t as taken with Universal as Disney.  My memories of the place were much better than the real (for want of a better word) thing.  We went on Terminator 2 – 3D; E.T. Adventure; Jaws; Disaster; The Cat in The Hat and Poseidon’s Fury before leaving the park just before closing at 7:00 pm.

Once back, Rebekah set off for supplies and when she returned we had pizza, beer and wine while watching a classic film full of social commentary and an in-depth analysis of the American education and legal establishments: Legally Blond.

Rebekah and Mrs G then decided to engage in some serious theological reflection.  In the pool.  In rubber rings.  With wine.  And, frankly, with very little in the way of clothing.  Er, I mean very little in the way of theological reflection.  Sorry about that.

Then it was time for bed, time for waking up, time for packing, time for heading to the airport and time for getting on the plane.  We’re now approaching our destination.  Our cold, palm-treeless destination.

*Sigh*

Oh well, at least Sunday night is Beer and Wings night at Archie Moore’s.